I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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