I'm really into asian looking animals
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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