ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize