zippers are such a cool invention
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
