my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
