I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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