drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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