Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
