Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
