I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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