Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He better not be in your backpack
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The adults are the big ones right?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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