i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
