Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
