At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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