I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
