so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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