How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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