so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
