If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
