I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
