if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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