Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
