I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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