dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
