Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
