how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
