I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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