I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
