i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize