he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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