The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
