Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize