No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
