There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
