Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
