I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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