Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I believe in your delicious
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
