The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
