piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
