So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got inside last night via doggy door
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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