Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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