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You're my little dorito
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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