I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
