does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
