Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
