i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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