I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
