How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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