Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
