I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
