oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize