and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
