Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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