Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize