laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
