dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
