I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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