She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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