I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
