i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize