We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
