Where are you?
In a non slutty way
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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