she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
