Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
