He kissed a someone with a penis
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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