So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
