Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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