Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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