i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
