He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
