The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize