And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
