Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
