I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
