What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
