Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
