Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
