i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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