We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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