Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize