I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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