Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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