and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
