If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
