He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize