i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
