I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
