On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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