I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
