***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
