just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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