Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I take back everything I said about communal showers
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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