I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
