And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
