Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
