i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
