I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
