Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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