WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
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