Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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