she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
